=== CHAPTER 6: THE CAPITAL OF THE FAR NORTH ===

[1]
R: ~KateLine~, sounds unnatural?
A: "At last, we've found the Ancient Road!"

[2]
R: Weirdly phrased, and a bit too informal for Princess Isabella.
A: "How much ground have we lost to the Synbios army? I don't think we've been keeping up with them."

[3]
R: Again, second sentence is too informal.
A: "They must be quite far ahead of us."

[4]
R: Second sentence is slightly mangled.
A: "Let's see if we can find out how far ahead Synbios is before we continue."

=== DORMANT ===

[5]
R: ~KateLine~
A: "Yes, I'm sure they'll try to stop us from proceeding much further."

[6]
R: Again, 'I bet they will spring it' feels too casual.
A: "If they have something planned, I'm guessing it'll be near the volcano we saw up ahead on the Ancient Road."

[7]
R: Largely repetitive of Primula's previous line, and 'volcanic mountain' sounds awful.
A: "Primula, is something the matter?"

[8]
R: Stiff. Gracia's response 8a is also a little off.
A: "The Dormant mountains have never had an active volcano before. But from what we saw on the way here, there definitely seems to be some activity..." "We should be extremely cautious when we pass by it, then."

[9]
R: First sentence is too...mild?
A: "That can't be right! They should have been here way before us."

[10]
R: I really dislike most of the -sfx- lines but this one is especially bad. I'd use ellipsis to get across his discomfort instead.
A: "...As far as I've heard, there has been no sign of them."

[11]
R: "If that's so" is weird.
A: "If that's the case,"

[12]
R: Stiff.
A: "The Synbios army hasn't arrived yet, but neither has Medion. Emperor Domaric must be holding the prince back somehow."

[13]
R: Very awkwardly worded. Same for followup 13a.
A: "The volcano's magma heats the spring water and forces it up to the surface." "The trace minerals in the water are good for the body."

[14]
R: The first line makes no sense and is a likely mistranslation. Jubei's thinking about the Rainbloods' plan here because he's obviously very familiar with them as a group.
A: "So that was the Rainbloods' strategy..."

[15]
R: Awkward.
A: "The eastern and western sides of the Thousand Mile River come together here in Dormant."

[16]
R: 'that much ahead of you' is clunky.
A: "If your friends had that much of a headstart in Aural village, they should've passed through here already."

[17]
R: Second sentence is a mess.
A: "The numbers go down around this time and stay down through winter."

[18]
R: Clunky. (On a side note I know it's intended but 'active Dormant Volcano' feels like I'm having a stroke.)
A: "The Dormant Volcano only became active just recently. I was woken up one morning by the ground shaking and an explosion coming from the mountain!"

[19]
R: First sentence needs reordered.
A: "With Dormant Volcano acting up, now is the perfect time to take a dip in the hot spring."

[20]
R: Something about how this and 20a are written feels...immature? They referred to the penguin mating as 'divine workings' back in chapter 4 so it's weird that they're just dropping SEX here.
A: "This hot spring is a community bathhouse, so everyone's expected to strip down and mingle." "However, while some minor contact is allowed, we draw the line at anything -untoward-."

[21]
R: Last line is a bit too repetitive.
A: "It just keeps on coming!"

[22]
R: Extremely stiff. Same for followup 22a.
A: "Yesterday I saw a ship come up the river from the sea. It stopped briefly, then turned left towards Aural." "I'm sure there was another ship this morning, but I looked away for a moment and it disappeared..."

[23]
R: Slightly awkward tense at the end.
A: "...but I don't believe you'll receive a blessing there."

[24]
R: Very stiff.
A: "Just before the city lies the Frozen Sea, where the ice never melts whatever the season."

[25]
R: First sentence is awkward, and the repetition of 'snowstorms' is clumsy.
A: "The bitter winters leave the northern region covered in snow for half the year."

[26]
R: Repetition of 'time'.
A: "The weather can turn at any moment,"

=== BATTLE 23 ===

[27]
R: Stiff.
A: "We lost contact with Bishop and Pawn a short while ago. We were becoming concerned, but we'd never have guessed you had managed to defeat them!"

[28]
R: Stiff again.
A: "Then we've been tricked. No matter! Even without help from Bishop and Pawn, we're prepared to cut you down."

[29]
R: Second sentence is odd.
A: "We planned this trap to catch you off guard."

[30]
(mid fight cutscene)
R: Weirdly written.
A: "We're caught up in a fight we never planned for...We have your recklessness to blame for it, Rook."

[31]
R: 'in trouble' feels too vague??
A: "Attacking without King's order...It looks like you're in quite the bind."

[32]
R: "Rainblood Queen" as a name just sounds a little odd to me.
A: "The Rainblood Queen...defeated by this motley army..."

[33]
R: Weird juxtaposition of 'looks like you are lucky' (informal) and 'this day' (archaic).
A: "Fortune smiled upon you today..."

[34]
R: ~KateLine~
A: "Where is the Synbios army being held? It's in that cave, isn't it, Queen?"

[35]
R: Isabella's previous line ended on 'what do you mean?', so the 'what I mean' here is unnecessary.
A: "If you want to know, enter the cave and you'll find out."

[36]
R: "Could be" is very awkward here.
A: "That would mean...Synbios is in danger!"

[37]
R: First sentence is too informal for Benetram.
A: "Then we have no time to waste on idle chatter."

[38]
R: Last sentence feels awful.
A: "Synbios is counting on us."

=== BATTLE 24 ===

[39]
R: "get" is a bit vague.
A: "Aim for Yasha, Julian..."

[40]
(Advice screen)
R: Completely illegible.
A: "Our only goal is to defeat Yasha. If the Synbios army gets in your way, you'll have to fight them off!"

[41]
R: Oh god I'm going to have to reset to make sure I see every optional unit's defeat dialogue aren't I. This is gonna hurt.
A: "My ice magic bested the Bulzome Sect and the Imperial forces, yet I couldn't defeat the Julian army..."

[42]
R: Last sentence is strange.
A: "I couldn't unleash my full strength against them."

[43]
R: Repetition of 'strength', 'Julian', and 'army'. (And don't give me that look while you're breaking the fourth wall, Cybel.)
A: "The Julian army is a patchwork force, but they have such strength...and their leader is surprisingly powerful too. It's like he's in a whole other class."

[44]
R: Clunky.
A: "You're looking to end things quickly, even if it means defeating the Synbios army. That's your plan, eh?"

[45]
R: 'something least imaginable' is badly written.
A: "Huhuhu...I'm sure that can't be a pleasant thought."

[46]
R: First sentence is weak.
A: "Even in defeat, I can't hold this against you."

[47]
R: Very, VERY stiff.
A: "Defeating the Julian army was the only way to save Lord Synbios. I may have lost, but I don't regret this fight for an instant."

[48]
R: 'Army' and 'powerful' repetition, again.
A: "How...How did the Julian army get so powerful? We're an elite force of warriors...How are they so far beyond us?"

[49]
R: This and 49a are inconsistent with Irene's speech style in Sc1. (Also IIRC she called Unoma 'master', not 'sensei'. See her death scene in the Railhead battle, Sc1 Ch2.)
A: "I sense master nearby...He love food so much he even fight me over it when hungry." "A very greedy man. But I really wish see him again..."

[50]
R: Doesn't really fit with the previous line. He's just said he knew the Synbios army would lose because the Julian army made it through Maya and Ark Hill, so there needs to be a point of connection.
A: "That could only mean the Julian army was extremely powerful..."

[51]
R: Middle sentences are stiff.
A: "Let me warn you now: don't underestimate Yasha."

[52]
R: Second sentence is stiff.
A: "My magic was no match for them..."

[53]
R: First sentence is stiff.
A: "We didn't want to fight you, but the Rainbloods and Yasha gave us no choice."

[54]
R: Second half is a trainwreck.
A: "But I've broken my vow to Yasha, and now the life of Lord Synbios is forfeit. Forgive me..."

(post fight cutscene)
[55]
R: Repetition of 'strength'.
A: "What terrifying resilience!"

[56]
R: So much 'Ninja' repetition that it doesn't sound like a word anymore.
A: "We Yasha hoped to become the strongest ninjas. We continued training even after we left our village and became rogues."

[57]
R: First segment is a bit odd.
A: "But instead, we've been defeated..."

[58]
(Say no when you're asked if you know who Rodi is)
R: Overly wordy. Followup 58a is oddly worded, and again we need to avoid using the word 'ninja' so much.
A: "We learned much of the world, and came to reject the laws of our people." "Our skills would make us unwelcome in any country, so we decided to become rogue ninjas."

[59]
R: Improper use of 'dishonoured' as a verb.
A: "We dishonoured our clan by assassinating the lord of Far East Village and taking the Scroll of Secrets. The village's assassins targeted us as punishment."

[60]
R: 'the others who are sealed' is weird.
A: "Otherwise you'll be mourning the deaths of Synbios, Palsis, and everyone else who's been sealed up. Heh."

[61]
R: Too casual for Benetram.
A: "Jane...Who exactly are you?"

[62]
R: This took me a while to parse. I think it should be rephrased a bit. (Dark water here presumably means the waters of the Dark River.)
A: "But...if I melt the ice, he'll be immersed in the waters of the Dark River."

=== BACK IN DORMANT ===

[63]
R: One sentence is a bit too verbose compared to the others.
A: "Shouldn't keep it all to yourself...Share with Orga."

[64]
R: Tense trouble.
A: "I go for a walk, and I smell something nice, so I follow and fall down well."

[65]
R: Again Orga's suddenly verbose.
A: "Duh...so we just gotta beat Bulzome. Then we get all the food we want."

[66]
R: Clumsy. (technically 'Orga and I' is correct but giving Turk a little bit of a grammar screwup feels appropriate.)
A: "We've decided. If it means me and Orga can eat, we'll join you in the fight against Bulzome."

[67]
R: Also clumsy.
A: "As for me and Orga, we're practically the same person. We work together, eat together, sleep together, you name it."

[68]
R: 'If' shouldn't be capitalised, but honestly this whole sentence needs to go. 68a is also a mess but for a different reason - 'High Priest' has been the designation for their four leaders from the start of the game, but now it's being used to describe strong faceless mooks as well? Coming back I'm going to assume this is the term that is translated as 'Dark Priest' in the final battle of the chapter, but I'll keep this note here to be safe.
A: "If you're willing to head further north, you must be intending to fight Bulzome." "I wouldn't go if I were you. Bulzome's high priests, and especially their Dark Priest, possess terrifying power."

[69]
R: Weird.
A: "Some people drink the spring water to make its healing properties even more effective."

[70]
R: Clumsily worded.
A: "Nobody in town expected we'd have two armies from the southern region visiting Dormant."

[71]
R: First sentence is confusing.
A: "The ground won't stop shaking...I'm worried the volcano will erupt."

[72]
R: Very stiff.
A: "It belongs to Prince Medion, the third and final member of JuMeSyn."

[73]
R: Weirdly ordered. 73a is stiff.
A: "I thought Medion was unreliable, but he's made it to the northern region after escorting the emperor home to Destonia." "It seems he's grown from this ordeal, both as a man and a general."

[74]
R: First sentence ends awkwardly.
A: "We let Lord Synbios suffer a terrible ordeal, despite being right by his side."

[75]
R: Traditionally Frank's growling is just written out, not a sound effect. Next line 75a ends awkwardly.
A: "Grrr...This time, the Medion army has gone ahead. Will the Julian army follow them?" "Please lend them your aid. The Synbios army will join the chase shortly!"

[76]
R: More odd ordering.
A: "Lord Synbios was on the verge of death, but a trip to the hot spring has filled him with vigor...Maybe we should all take a dip!"

=== BATTLE 25 ===

[77]
R: ~KateLine~
A: "Doesn't the volcanic activity in the Dormant Mountains seem a lot stronger than the rumours suggested?"

[78]
R: There were only two ships involved (Medion's and the Rainbloods') so 'fleet' makes no sense. Same for Gracia's reply in 78a.
A: "Would the Imperial ships continue to advance in these circumstances?" "The two ships should have continued north, but they aren't here."

[79]
R: Very stiff.
A: "We must hurry, before it flows onto the road and blocks our path to Remotest!"

[80]
R: Minor wording slipup on 'these'?
A: "Those countries were Bulzome's territory in the past!"

[81]
R: Very stiff.
A: "Whatever the reason, we can't allow Bulzome to do as he pleases."

[82]
R: Again, the weird inconsistent translation on high priest/great priest pops up here. The sentence is also stiff anyway.
A: "We respect that you were strong enough to defeat our four high priests, but we will stop your advance here."

[83]
R: Stiff.
A: "You'll become our prisoners, just like the Medion army!"

[84]
R: Should be clearer that Gracia is panicking here. Benetram's about to talk him down from getting distracted. Also avoid too much straight repetition from 83.
A: "No...they've already captured Medion and his army? We have to..."

[85]
(mid battle cutscene)
R: First sentence is out of place, and the second is repetitive.
A: "It's an Imperial battleship. If it doesn't belong to the Medion army, then it must be the Rainbloods'..."

[86]
R: Weak and passive. Also, Rainblood's is incorrect.
A: "The lava's going to destroy the Rainbloods' battleship...!"

[87]
R: Muddling of 'at all costs' and 'at any cost'. 'At all cost' is incorrect.
A: "...we must avoid it at all costs."

(post-battle cutscene)

[88]
R: ~KateLine~
A: "They planned their attack around the volcano erupting...That masked monk was really powerful."

[89]
R: Awkward.
A: "The volcano's settling down now that the battle is over."

[90]
R: 'indeed' is unnecessary and kills the pacing. Also since army is singular, use 'is' rather than 'are'.
A: "Even if the Medion army is being held captive, it can't have been for long."

=== THE FLAGSHIP ===

[91]
R: Tense trouble. (The sudden thing happened a while back since the Flagship's been stuck here for a while.)
A: "It was so sudden...the clouds moved apart, and the temperature plummeted."

[92]
R: Stiff.
A: "Once the prince returned from escorting the emperor back to Destonia, we departed as fast as we could. We didn't want to hold back Julian and Lord Synbios."

[93]
R: First sentence is messy.
A: "If the blizzard keeps up we'll have no way to clear the river ice, and we'll be left out here to freeze to death."

[94]
R: Unnatural.
A: "Prince Medion headed north. He must be freezing in this snowstorm. What if his life's in danger...?"

[95]
R: Second sentence has more tense oddness, and repeating 'ship' is awkward.
A: "I could've sworn I saw the shadow of a battleship behind our vessel."

[96]
R: This should probably be rewritten to not imply that Thousand has received some sort of powerup.
A: "After passing by the magma, I feel stronger than ever."

[97]
R: Stiff.
A: "The water here is likely to be infused with evil energy. Don't drink it."

[98]
R: 'peace at the water' doesn't make much sense. I am assuming he means stormy seas.
A: "...or find peace in a storm."

[99]
R: This and 99a are rough.
A: "I wonder what's become of Lord Synbios. Did he fully recover in Dormant village?" "Even if he did, it would have been very difficult for him to escape the volcano's eruption."

[100]
R: A little weird.
A: "Even though we're almost at Remotest, I think we're through the worst."

=== BATTLE 26 ===

[101]
R: The 'somehow' at the end really derails the sentence.
A: "So you've learned that the Medion army was taken captive..."

[102]
R: Clunky.
A: "If you want to know about them, you'll have to force the answers out of me...but I wonder...Are you even capable of that?"

[103]
R: Again, make Gracia's concern/despair a little clearer.
A: "Even Prince Medion lost to the Bulzome Sect on this frozen battlefield?"

[104]
R: Second sentence is a bit childish. And trying to avoid repeating 'battlefield' too much.
A: "We know they've laid traps across the landscape."

[105]
R: Likewise, avoiding the repetition of 'traps'.
A: "Advance, Julian...but tread with care!"

[106]
(advice screen)
R: Stiff, and 106a repeats trap again.
A: "The trap that bested the Medion army must be somewhere on the Frozen Sea." "Keep an eye out for it, and be extremely wary as you advance."

[107]
R: Very awkward.
A: "That crack in the Frozen Sea's ice has to be a trap. Continue your advance, Julian, but watch your footing."

[108]
(advice screen, after the ice shatters)
R: First sentence is a bit weird.
A: "We'll have to find a passage along the cracks in the Frozen Sea. Stay calm and advance deliberately."

[109]
R: 'Bulzome minions' sounds wrong.
A: "Ah, the Julian army is battling Bulzome's minions on the Frozen Sea..."

[110]
R: Clumsy, and admitting your mission is secret feels a bit weird.
A: "We are under clandestine orders from the emperor, and defeating the Julian army is part of our mission."

[111]
R: Stiff, and avoiding repetition.
A: "We've also been ordered to subdue the Medion army. But fortunately, that trap of yours has saved us a good deal of work!"

[112]
R: Second sentence is rough.
A: "Those who oppose his majesty's conquest shall not be forgiven...even his own flesh and blood!"

[113]
R: Stiff.
A: "Our goals align, so we will aid you against the Julian army."

[114]
R: A bit awkward, as is the next line 114a.
A: "Un...unbelievable...The feared and invincible Rainbloods defeated in battle..." "Not only has the King of the Rainbloods fallen, but the legend of my death squad will die with me. How regrettable...-gurgle-"

[115]
R: First sentence is weird.
A: "It seems the defeat of our comrades was no mere fluke."

[116]
R: ~KateLine~
A: "Even with the Rainbloods and the Bulzome Sect joining forces to challenge us, we still won!"

[117]
R: Poorly phrased. First sentence of 117a is a bit janky too.
A: "They tricked us into thinking they'd gone down with their ship near the volcano." "Then they caught us by surprise!"

[118]
R: Very stiff.
A: "When the Rainbloods spoke of their mission, they proved my father is just as terrifying as I thought."

=== BATTLE 27 ===

[119]
R: Second sentence is rough.
A: "It's the size of Destonia and its castle combined."

[120]
R: Undulation is a five dollar word for the sake of a five dollar word.
A: "Ah! I feel...a powerful ripple of dark energy!"

[121]
R: Ordering on the second sentence.
A: "You truly are an Innovator, Gracia."

[122]
R: "Do I have to say it again" makes no sense, because he's not repeating himself.
A: "Isn't it obvious, Dark Priest?"

[123]
R: I don't like the first sentence. Ordering again. Also more 'army' repetition.
A: "That's right. You must face both myself and the Prince's forces. This ends here, Julian army!"

[124]
R: Stiff.
A: "We can't turn back now, but must we truly battle the Medion army if they oppose us?"

[125]
(advice screen)
R: Awkward.
A: "The Medion forces should come to their senses if you defeat the one who's controlling them."

[126]
R: oh god it's happening again
A: "Aah...I don't know what's happening, but it seems I've been defeated." "Dying in such a cold place...makes me yearn for the warmth of the Elven Forest."

[127]
R: Weirdly phrased.
A: "-buzz- Sensors detect...a strong force of light amongst the enemy."

[128]
R: Stiff second half.
A: "A ninja should be above such sorcery...Father, forgive my weakness."

[129]
R: Weak use of 'suddenly'. 129a is weak in general.
A: "I feel so cold..." "The chill of the northern region was bad enough, but now this blood loss..."

[130]
R: Last sentence is rough.
A: "But this pain is real, and my body's going numb..."

[131]
R: Middle sentence is a bit childish.
A: "I can't feel my fingers."

[132]
R: First sentence feels incomplete.
A: "A battle between allies at the gate of Remotest..."

Unfortunately unlike the battle with the Synbios army, the game doesn't seem to reroll the opponents this time around. So I've got no way of seeing the defeat dialogue for the rest of Medion's force (Pappets, Penko, Arthur, Garosh/Jade). Apologies.

(Medion dies)

[133]
R: Stiff.
A: "It seems...I have fallen in battle..."

[134]
R: Also stiff.
A: "Poor brother...He only regained his senses when it was too late..."

(post-battle cutscene)
[135]
R: Awkward.
A: "It was a difficult task, with the Medion army attacking us all the while..."

[136]
R: 'bore' in this context is a bit too archaic.
A: "Jane, have you recovered from the wounds you received in Dormant Cave?"

[137]
R: Stiff.
A: "Jane, from what the Julian army's told me about you, and from seeing your powers for myself, I can't help but be concerned."

[138]
R: ~KateLine~
A: "Look! Prince Medion is reacting to Jane's magic!"

[139]
R: Leftover capital I.
A: "Yes, it's the Walcuray!"

[140]
R: Clumsy.
A: "Why would you do something so foolish? We have no right to put your life at risk!"

[141]
R: 'Caused' implies it was an indirect thing and not a plan they agreed on. I don't like it.
A: "I sent Julian and Gracia...to battle that thing?"

[142]
R: Last sentence is incorrectly worded.
A: "They went to the trouble of capturing her with the Walcuray."

[143]
R: Repetition of 'save'.
A: "We must rescue her!"

[144]
R: Just rough in general, and not really connected to the script.
A: "Ever since the battle between the Vandals and the Innovators, an Elbesem fortress guarded by our clan has stood in Remotest."

[145]
R: Last sentence is too simplistic.
A: "The three armies now march onwards to face their final battle!"